Gifting The Empty Box

Organizing and wrapping the year in the waning days of 2011, I feel the greatest gift for me this year is an empty box. I've felt unreal for months. Now I think I know what that is. It's that I don't know me. My life as a perfectionist ended these last 18 months. The OCD stuff that littered my brain, world and ability to be calm and succeed is becoming the past. How can you fill your cup/realm/spirit when it's already full? Rife with perceptions, lies, and false realities imposed by everything external? We adapt to our family of origin, culture, schooling and career designed for societal success. We are trained in the roles that make it simple to keep a society asleep. I know nothing about the truth that is me. And that unknowing is a gift - a gift I can give only to myself. A big ol' box of the Linda to be. Already open. Infinitely enormous. Infinitesimally tiny. As 2012 dawns, I will treasure the not knowing in brighter light, quieter silence and joyicity.