Saturday, July 30, 2011
A Three Story Life: All Clear Sounds
The doldrums, it's called in equator sailing. Thank goodness, I call the calm this weekend. The week was rugged with new terrain amid emotional upheaval. What I figured out today is I am not able to analyze it all. I have an idea what Dad is going through, although he isn't giving me the data. His power is diminished, his physical strength gone. His ability to control his world (which was always, always an illusion) he sees as disappeared. I do not know if there are triggers for Scott's behavior, or if it's Alzheimer's bouncing his brain around. Is his medication okay, or is he having adverse side effects? Dad has no familiar ground, and he's miserable. I feel for his situation. He can't stand me interfering, but I will not have Scott yelled at, for things over which he has no control. I know Dad might not ever adjust, and I'm learning to let some stuff go. I can take his rage at me. Maybe we won't ever get a harmonious household again. But tonight, when Dad wanted to supervise how Scott ate, and Scott got mad, I told Dad "please let it go, and if you cannot, please eat in the other room." He got up and I took his plate, and milk in to him and asked if he needed anything else. I can hear him upstairs now sending the dog off his lap, so he's not happy. Scott smiled through the rest of his meal, but I won't credit anything but enjoying the food to that. That's all good enough. Right this minute life is good enough. And wow, I am so grateful.