A Three Story Life: A Day Off

Mom used to ask "are you leaving that for the maid to pick up?" to all 8 of us when we didn't tidy after ourselves. You may remember the story of Mom taking the doorknobs off the doors because Dad used to hang his pants there. (Dad never skipped a beat: he dropped his pants on the floor where the doorknobs used to be.) I asked the maid question in my head this morning; the usual stuff left out for me to put away. Mom tried for 50 years to get the family to do things more her way, and we know how that worked out. So, I am learning s-l-o-w-l-y that repeating the same experiment over expecting different results is insanity. I decided this morning that, as it is difficult to have a whole day off from chores as a primary carer, I can at least set a boundary day for those chores. Today I am unavailable. I have artwork to create for clients. Today's day off is granted to: the maid, chauffeur, accountant, cook, laundress, cleaning lady, tech support, personal assistant, translator, mail sorter, medicine wrangler, hunter of lost stuff, shopper, errand runner, medical liaison. No hollering down the stairs for me unless there is an ambulance required. The thing about boundaries is I have to set them. Then communicate what the boundaries are. Then reset when the goalposts are moved. And then remind everyone involved that there are boundaries for the time being. And describe exactly the time. So, I guess the boundary maker and the timekeeper don't get a day off, but that's okay for now. The rest of us can keep our sanity for another day.

Communication and Boundaries

Lessons this year are arriving at supersonic speed, and ricocheting this month around issues that I've needed to attend to for years.

Deciding that "hermit" is not a good career choice was a needed first step. No more stealth sentient. The end of thoughtful. clever pseudonyms for me. It isn't possible to promote a book, create a "platform" for future work, and get credit for writing and art I've done, if I don't put my real name on stuff.

I have learned too, that setting boundaries has no chance of success if one doesn't communicate where and when the boundaries exist. Say "I cannot address your issue right now" in any human situation, and you'll get varying levels of push against that statement. Say "I cannot discuss this now, but I will be available at 3 this afternoon for one hour," gives your listener a time and duration to be heard.

Keep it simple is back in my business language. I had a sign on my desk in the 70s that listed what simple sounds like. "No." "Yes." "Get your hand off my knee." Simple still sounds like that.

Communication is not a first responder enterprise. It is still professional to address communications within one business day. Because you've labeled your email "high priority" doesn't make it mine. Serial voicemails don't obligate me either. Be sensible. I have learned that other people have a different agenda and schedule than I do. Darn it!

And...social networking may be neither social or networking. We'll see how this lesson works in the near future.